She rolled down the windows to
sniff at the fresh air of her home town. Those deep fried, round and fluffy
breads alongside spicy chickpeas curry were inviting her. Then she found the saffron
soaked and sugar syrup coated Jalebis were trying to seduce her out of her
resolve. The tempting and tantalizing aromas wafting from the streets drove her
crazy and made her weak at knees. Seema closed her eyes and covered her nostrils
with her handkerchief and asked the cab driver to hurry her up to her destination.
She was coming home after five
years. Those familiar lanes and streets have not changed much and taking her down
to trips of nostalgia. She was passing by the bridge over that foul canal. The day
she remembered as her most painful day of her lifetime. She had turned sixteen
that day and her childhood sweet heart had turned down her proposal for being
an ugly duckling. He had called her ‘Kali Kaluti Moti Bhains” – Dark coloured
fat buffalo. She could still hear that nerve-shattering laughter of his friends
and the other girls. That had a lightning effect on her and a new Seema was
born that day.
The cab stopped in front of her
house. That gate with a round arch over it with blooming orchids, looked the
same. She rings the door bell and waits. She hears hurried steps down the stairs,
the door opens and her younger sister gives her a tight hug and yells, “Mummy, Didi
is here”. Her mom and dad come running to the hall and they give her a family
hug and as usual, Mom starts weeping, “You have come after so many years”.
Seema is a successful model
nowadays and works under a world-famous brand. This small town, where she was
born into and had grown up, is very proud of her achievements. But she remembers
all too well. Her father tells her that tomorrow, the town people have arranged
a function at the town hall in her honour, few dignitaries will also come to felicitate
her. She looks at her father who was not happy when she had told her she would
pursue her modelling career. However, he had come down to her terms with time. When
he hears no affirmation from her, he says, “Seema, please be on your best behaviour
tomorrow.” She smiles at her father, “Sure, Papa”. And, then her mother drops
the bombshell, “Beta, what would you like to eat? Shall I prepare your favourite,
Aaloo Paratha?”
She goes to her room. Everything
looked the same. She could hear her grandmother scolding her, “Stop eating now.
How may pooris will you eat? You have grown so fat. On top of that, you are
dark skinned also. God knows, who will marry you?” Her mother would say, “It’s
okay, Mummy ji. She is just a child”. At that point, age old prejudice would
start. “Don’t you argue with me. You have borne two girls. We will have to
arrange for dowry also. And, how much we
may have to pay for this one, fat dark girl?” Her grandmother is no more but her
hurtful jibes still torments Seema.
Once upon a time, she was a
happy-go-lucky girl and wanted to become a doctor when she grows up. She was
very good in studies. Whenever her results would be out, her grandmother would
be distributing sweets to their neighbours in the lane. Nearby aunties would eat
the sweets and comment, “Maa ji, what would you do with good grades of your granddaughter?
Ask her to lose some weight and apply turmeric to become fairer”. Hearing that her grandmother would snatch the
sweets from Seema’s hands which she had been gobbling and would drag her inside
the house and the age-old saga would start again, “This girl would drag me to
grave early. Dark skinned fatso, girl, go apply some turmeric paste now” And,
her mother and grandmother would prepare one or the other home remedies and
pastes to make her skin lighter. She used to hate those foul-smelling pastes
all over her face. She used to pray to become fair like her sister someday, so
that her grandmother would be happy with her.
Her maternal uncle used to bring
those yummy motichoor laddoos and would offer her one, saying, “You take only
one, Seema. You will become fatter, otherwise.” She would ask him, “When you
knew I like them, why did you bring so many of them?” And, he would laugh and
say, “Learn from your younger sister. She is fair and observes restraint also
while eating". “But she does not like to eat anything”. And the banter would go
on and on.
She hears her mother calling her.
“Seema, come down for lunch”. She goes down stairs and looks at the beautifully
arranged dining table with all the sumptuous food in front of her. “Mom, you
know, I can’t eat all these things. I have to maintain my diet”. “I have made
the soup and salad for you. You have come after so many years, so I made this
feast for your dad and sister to celebrate your home coming. I will bring you
soup and salad now”. Ok, so some things will never change. “But, surely one paratha
you can have for once”, her mother somehow remembered that she had cooked Seema’s
favourite Aaloo Paratha. Seema smiles at her, “I will have only half”. “Ok, ok,
as you wish”.
Next day they arrive at the town
hall. It was fully packed. Every other person came to her, greeted her,
congratulated her, “We are so proud of you. You have made our small-town famous”.
And, then one voice greets her, “Hello Madam ji, I am Arvind, we used to be in
the same class in school. I hope you remember me”. She looks at the direction
of that voice, “Yes, I remember you. Good to see you here. How are you? It
seems your tummy has out grown you”. “Ha ha, Madam ji, you have good sense of humour”.
She was in sixth standard when, Arvind,
the son of the famous sweet shop owner of their town, joined their school. He
used to wear fancy watches and used to come to school in fancy bicycles of that
time. Every one used to think he was some Greek God and girls used to go gaga
over him. Seema was no different. They were in the same class and she used to
dream that Arvind will look her way some day. But she was scared he would not
like her dark face. She started taking interest in her mother’s and grandmother’s
efforts to make her fair. She bought so many tubes of the famous “Fair &
Lovely” cream and waited for days, weeks and months in front of the mirror to
see the difference it had promised to make her face brighter, with no results. One
day she had stopped eating altogether and thought she would drink only water
for some weeks so that she becomes thinner but that same day in the evening,
her uncle came with the motichoor laddoos. She had decided then that first she
will concentrate on making herself fair then she would focus on thinning down.
She was not able to sleep that
night. She was turning around in her bed. Her mother came to her room and
observed, “Maybe you have become overwhelmed with all the attention today from
the town dwellers. I hope you have not upset your stomach with all those sweets
there. Drink some water and sleep will come eventually”. Seema thought to
herself, she had not touched any of the sweets that were offered today. Her
mother keeps forgetting that Seema keeps a strict diet and maintains it. But that
reminded her how those Gulab Jamuns, Burfis, Gujiyas, etc. had played with her
emotions today but could not win over her determination though.
She had worked very hard to reach
where she is today. That embarrassing day when she had thought her heart was
shattered into pieces, it was actually a blow to her pride. She had made a
resolution and her determination had kept her going all these days. She had lost
her weight and had maintained a good balanced diet thereafter. She had worked
on her body and mind and had healed her soul. Her skin colour had not come
against her modelling career, however. From the day of her sixteenth birthday
to the day she had won the Miss India pageant at the age of twenty, it was a
rigorous struggle and she had overcome all the barriers with her will power. Then
she had left her home town and since last five years, had been pursuing her
modelling career. She has travelled far and wide. She is contented and happy
with herself. But still there are some days, when she feels weak and a dilemma
haunts her, “To eat or not to eat”.
