One free sky (and fearless)

The corridor was dark and a faraway dog was howling with madness. She was running for her life. Some men with daggers were chasing her. She was trying to scream but no sound was coming out. Suddenly she saw a familiar figure coming closer and she fell down….

Archana woke up with cold sweat running through her temple. She was trembling. She looked around her surroundings. In the dimly lit small room, she was relieved to see her kids sleeping next to her. She looked across her 12-year-old daughter, Anu, who was sleeping peacefully. Lying next, was her 8-year-old son, Avi, sprawled across the bed. Archana sighed heavily looking at them and thought to herself that she has made the right decision.

Next morning as usual, Archana’s busy schedule has already started. She had woken up at the crack of dawn. Cleaning, cooking, packing lunch boxes, waking up the kids and making them ready for school and then running and catching the school bus for her kids was all over and now she is getting ready for office. The doorbell rings and she starts cursing the person who is trying to delay her daily routine. She opens the door of her 2 room small flat only to find the security guard of her apartment building with one pamphlet and two envelopes addressed to her. She takes them and closes the door murmuring her thank you. She will open and read them on the way to office.

She is waiting at the bus stop near her apartment and it is already late by 5 minutes now. She hopes that she reaches office on time. After school kids will be dropped to her mother’s place and while coming back from office she will pick them up. She hopes she would not be late in the evening otherwise kids will bombard their grandmother with so many questions that her old mother would not be able to take it. Her mother is also not well these days but Archana always thanks her stars as her mother stays nearby. Suddenly she remembers about some due dates. She sets a reminder on her phone to pay the school and bus fees of her kids today. She hears a bus honking at the nearby signal and heaves a sigh of relief seeing the bus arriving at her stop. She gets into the crowded bus and beams at Karuna, her office colleague, who had saved a place for her.  She greets and thanks her. Karuna is already attending her teleconference through her headphones, so Archana opens her courier. First letter was from her bank with the bank statement. She keeps it back in her bag. Next envelope had the logo of the family court, she understood what it is. She will read it later. She unfolds the pamphlet handed over by the security guard and sees that her apartment society has called for a peaceful candle light march to mourn for the victim of a recent incident of brutal rape and murder in the city. The social media is abuzz with this news. Her friends, relatives, extended family, in laws, all are crying for protecting women in social media.

The girl was brutally gang-raped and burnt alive by four strangers in broad day light. Many Nirbahayas as victims but no woman, from the day she is born, is actually alive who is really fearless. Thinking about that spine chilling horrific incident and brutality, you are scared for your daughter’s safety outside her house, in public places, in malls, theaters, etc. And, you want answers from the Government and administration. What about those incidents when a family member tries to molest your daughter or niece, when your own father tries to invade the privacy of your wife, when your brother is beating your sister-in-law? In these cases there is no outcry or shouts from those so-called friends, relatives, extended families, etc. Because these are family matters within the four walls of that concrete structure, you call home.

It was a different day when she had said yes to the marriage proposal that had come from Rakesh’s family. Little did she know that time what she is jumping into when she was going around the sacred and holy fire of matrimony. For a first few days it was all hunky dory. It started with small nuances. Her father-in-law would advise her to give money to her brother-in-law and mother-in-law. He would be entering their room at any time unannounced. He would be trying to touch her inappropriately. He would make comments on her perfume or her dress. She started bolting the door from inside of her room and she was accused of not accepting her new family. If she tried telling her husband about it, she would be beaten into a pulp.

When her father was critically ill, she had gone to help her parents for a few days. She could not accompany her mother-in-law to a distant relative’s wedding. She was accused of not trying to adjust with her husband’s family. Her brother-in-law who was a twenty-two-year-old full grown up adult then, if he is seen eating cookies or other snacks after coming back from college, Archana would be accused of not doing any chores around the house even when she had gone to office after cooking lunch for everybody. She would even cook dinner after coming back from office but nothing was counted because her brother-in-law was eating cookies. She would be blamed when they would run out of groceries even if she is doing all the groceries shopping for them. Her mother-in-law would complain to her son about Archana’s shortcomings to take care of the family and Rakesh would slap her, grab her hairs and drag her down the stairs. Then her mother-in-law would say, “Rakesh was not like this earlier, only after marriage he has changed”. When she helped her husband buy a car with her savings, she was accused of being pompous. When they bought a house, she was accused of not having any values and wanting to live separately.

She and Rakesh had their first child after three years of marriage. It was Rakesh’s decision not to have kids for a few years after marriage because he wanted to concentrate on his career first. Her mother-in-law would always suggest her to go for a complete medical checkup and visit good fertility clinics. She even told stories to her relatives about Archana having some cysts due to which she is not able to bear kids. When Anu was born, she was accused of being a jinx for not bearing them a grandson. After Avi, it was a different story. Final blow to her was when she came to know about her husband’s affair. She was accused of not trying harder enough to save her fifteen-year-old marriage.

All she wants now is to put an end to all the verbal, mental and physical abuses. She is already numb to the accusations like her old mother eating off her salary, not taking proper care of the family because of her official commitments, not compromising because of her ego of earning money. Now she is accused of breaking her home, her family.

           Archana wishes she could turn back the clock and could refuse getting married to Rakesh. Her kids are the best part of her marriage with Rakesh, still she wants them to disappear. She wants to be free under a sky where she feels worthy of her existence, where her self-esteem is respected. For once she will damn everyone and be fearless of the society she lives in. But for a woman it is not safe to be a free spirit.