I was overwhelmed to see the tiny
feet, tiny toes, small hands and the pink face. It brought tears to my eyes
when all her tiny fingers grabbed my finger and held on tightly. Yes my
daughter is born. Her father picked her up and I saw pride in his eyes. For the
first time in his life, he has picked up a child. I was filled with mixed
emotions remembering my dad who is no more. I was the apple of my father’s
eyes, and I have no doubt about it that my daughter will be apple of my husband’s
eyes.
My
daughter is also born into the same society where daughters are brought up with
utmost love, respect and care. She is the doll, the princess and the Goddess
too. The lullaby is sung by her father, with a dream that when she grows up,
she will be married to a prince and she will be treated with love and respect
at her in-laws place. Once she gets married, things might change though. It will be her duty to respect her husband’s
family; however, she might not get the respect in return. Her parents will be
insulted in many occasions but she will have to keep mum. And, sad but it’s
true that she will be treated as an outsider always.
We
live in a modern, techno-savvy, educated society, where both the sexes are
equal they say. There are equal opportunities for both. We have crossed that
era where men used to be the breadwinner of the family. They say it is not
sufficient with one income nowadays. Both husband and wife are supposed to
earn, bring up and educate their children together, build a house, and so on.
But it will always be our son’s house, our son’s car, and our son’s child. It
will never be our daughter in-law’s car or house. One more irony is there, when
daughter in-law is sweeping, mopping, and decorating their son’s house, they
say, “it’s her house anyways so what is the big deal if she is doing all
these”? Yes, of course and the funniest
is that the child was borne solely by their son.
If
the couple does not have a child, it is all daughter in-law’s fault. In that
case, the daughter in-law is either getting older, has some problems or not
family oriented and more of a career woman, etc. But whatever daughter in-law
earns, that is their right. She is supposed to buy expensive gifts or give it
all to her mother in-law, brother in-law or sister in-law. If she gives a gift
to her own sister, that is extravagance and is to be talked about for all the
years to come. If she buys an expensive
smartphone for herself, they say she is spendthrift but for their son it is required
for his official work.
Hypocrisy
is thy name. When a daughter comes to touch your feet you say, “Our daughters need
not touch our feet”. But a daughter in-law is supposed to do that. So, when you
don’t consider your daughter in-law as your own child, why do you expect her to
treat you as her own mother or father? Appreciate her when she is looking after
your grandchild, she is decorating your son’s house, or she is cooking your
son’s favorite meal rather than telling her how your son loves your cooking or
how much your grandchild resembles you and your son. Tell her sometime that the
child also looks like her. Appreciate someday that she has kept your son happy
all these years rather than pointing it out to your son about her failures.
This
family is neither complete nor equal. On her shoulder all the responsibilities
should befall, she has to earn money, she has to pay the bills and take care of
the groceries, she has to take care of the family, and she should love and
respect every member of the family. But nobody would care about her self-respect,
dignity and above all her due space and peace of mind. So, I ask you where the
equality is. When their son wants to come out and build his own identity
somewhere else, she would be blamed always for their son to leave the parental
house. She would be judged for every action of hers. My dear daughter, I wish
you do not have to undergo this kind of turmoil in your life.
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